Guest post by Lorinda Whitfield

I’m a mother of three. My first labor took 25.5 hours, drug free and I was 17 at the time. As it came closer to time for me to push, I was convinced that I couldn’t do it, I was exhausted and wanted to give up…but I did it. My 7lb 1oz baby girl arrived on the scene just as healthy and perfect as I could imagine. The pain of labor and delivery is more intense than I could ever put into words and even when I didn’t think I could do it, when I felt like giving up…I went on to have two more children and I have not one single regret about it.

What is it about pain that makes us clam up to avoid it? Any mother that has more than one child CLEARLY didn’t clam them legs up to avoid the pain of childbirth having experienced that before so why do we fight so hard to avoid other pain? Is it that physical pain is easier to rationalize than emotional or mental pain? Do we trust more the tangible than that which we can’t pinpoint, manipulate and see? I get it, I really do. I never felt pain like that of pushing a whole human out of my body, but I didn’t die and I went on to have more children! So as you take this moment to reflect on the areas that have caused you pain, I ask you…’but did you die?’

I know, I know it sounds harsh but hear me out. I see too often the destructive patterns of people who choose to self medicate to deal with existing pain and avoid the potential for future pain. Self-preservation is one of those things we intuitively fall into, however, how’s that working out for you? If a man wronged you and the relationship you so heavily invested in failed, what benefit would it be to vow to never love a man again? No doubt it was painful, devastating even….but did you die?

If your sister friend has proven to be untrustworthy or disloyal, I can imagine that’s quite a blow. Sisterhood is so vital and is often the type of relationship that is frowned upon these days with so many women who declare, “Oh, I don’t mess with females” or “Females is messy”….Sis, Girl, Hun…you are a whole vagina toting female! Are YOU messy? Are YOU worth “messing” with?!

Here’s what happens when you use pain to build walls around your heart…you keep out the bad AND the good. There is no invisible sign on your forehead that says ‘Hurt Her” or “Use Her’. Every relationship is two-fold, give and take and reciprocation is a mandate. If we’re honest with ourselves and get out our feelings long enough to see through a clear lens, not just the lens of anger, hurt and disappointment, we may see how our action or inaction contributed to the pain we keep choosing to carry around! Let’s just sit in that and think about it. Let’s allow ourselves to be honesty about the series of events that lead to our most deepest pain. Grant it, there may very well be times where our greatest devastation had absolutely nothing to do with our own action, even in that, we owe it to ourselves to take the proper time to address, heal and move on.

Pain should never make us stagnant but it should position us to be more purposeful. Pain may very well be necessary to birth something new that is needed, just like in the natural. It may birth strength you never knew you had or needed, awareness, wisdom, experience needed for a future blessing. Don’t despise the pain and the process, choose to learn from it because it didn’t kill you, it prepared you.

From the heart, I will not have you ignorant.

Lorinda Whitfield

A wild ride from I am Not Religious to Incognito Idolatry this author doesn’t fail to keep it real and make her opinion all the way known. I am proud to have one of my goalfriends as my first featured guest post. I have seen her overcome strife and use her pain to profit, whether financial, emotionally or spiritually, she has done it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

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