You’ve been on my mind lately. Wreaking havoc on my dreams. Creating a storm in my bed.
I do not know how you do it, but it gets done. You make me feel a certain type of way, to where I blush from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and even my nose. I have loved you since I was 16 years old. I love the curl of your lips when you smile. I love the way our hearts and minds dance together as one. When we were younger, we didn’t understand that this was supposed to be it. The first, the last and the everything. I just feel your presence sometimes when I close my eyes and need a hug. Your brain is so beautiful it just keeps me guessing. My match has been made with you even when my world is falling apart and your 730 miles away, you make me feel better than anyone else can.
I know a lot of this sounds like what you do to me but its more than that.
When we were younger you had this emotional wall up to where I would pour myself out into you but I would never receive as much as I poured out. If that makes any sense. But I know how you feel or felt then.
How can you still love me after all this mess? How can this ever be what we want if we have all these obstacles?
But every question I ever have, you have an answer for that makes me feel even better than before. There is a confusion with my body and my heart and I am getting mixed feelings from everywhere. I want you to always choose me first because I have always chosen you, regardless of labels.
Not being able to take much more of this I found myself driving to Georgia just to see what would happen. Who would miss me? Who would notice I was gone? Leaving Thursday night and had plans to return Monday. I wonder when I get there will he be alone and happy to see me.
Some people run away from their problems today I’m running away from my whole life. This must be done because if it is not we’ll always be wondering what if.
With about an hour until my trip was over, I finally turn my phone back on. I had a million and one messages. My fiancé started off by saying I got the kids text me when you’re on your way home. 13 messages later he was on some are you dead and if you ain’t dead I’m gonna kill you type shit. You better be ok goddamit.
So I finally text back letting him know I was fine I just needed some me time and I would be back on Monday. I didn’t tell him where I was, though. More messages flooded in baby just come home we miss you. I’m sorry I don’t know what I did but I won’t do it again.
One didn’t know I was pulling up and the other didn’t know I was pulling off.
Pulling up to his apartment I parked. Flipping the mirror down I checked my lipstick and my mascara, I just don’t know how this is going to playout. Apartment 1301 was right in front of me, the only thing standing between me and the love of my life was this door. I knocked with a shaky hand, holding my breath I turned my back towards the door. Instead of saying who is it, the door cracked open. Tears welled in my eyes before I could get out a “Hi.” he was rushing out the door to me.
“Wonder Woman has tears what’s going on? Who do I have to kill?” Little did he know these tears were leaking because of him.
“Babe who was at the door…” She dropped her phone and just looked at me.
Knowing she recognized me from all the photos of us and of me in his phone. No one would have ever believed I drove all this way and she would still be here. Before I could say anything he took his arm and pushed me behind his back creating a shield around me. She charged towards me, so now it would self defense but he didn’t let her get that close.
“Charlotte take yo ass back in the house. It’s not even all that deep.”
“This is crazy. She think she can just show up at my doorstep where my child lays and everything is ok. Naw fuck that.” She proceeded to take off her earrings.
Listen if the girl wanted some she could definitely get it tonight with the way I was feeling. Either way I was ready. “Listen I just came to talk to him, but if you wit the shits then ain’t shit but space and opportunity.”
“Farren you’re not helping.” He said over his shoulder.
“Not supposed to be.” I snorted.
“Charlotte, please take yo ass back in the house.” Waving his hand he shooed her away.
“Bye girl.” She slammed the door.
“You can’t just show up like this and bring drama to my doorstep, sweets.”
“Well here I am, but I didn’t intend to bring drama. I just needed some answers.”
Sometimes you think you need answers but you don’t. Just undo the spell they have over your heart undo the heavy pain that’s attached to those memories.