Imagine thoughts filled your head and they had nowhere to go. Without a way to process the information in your head, you began to go crazy. You start writing, emptying your thoughts onto the paper, with your pen becoming an extension of your arm. As you provide the paper with soul and crisp content, there’s no doubt in your mind that this is your calling, that this is your destiny.
So every day in school you wrote. Laid in the bed and created a world of your own, building and tinkering away. Zane and Eric Jerome Dickey were the teachers. You created sexy vixens before implants became a thing. In 2004 you created women that fell in love without gang-bangers. You gave life to sultry sex scenes before your hymen was even broken.
Now imagine someone stealing all your pens, all your journals and notebooks, I mean all them. Your inner thoughts read and burned and now you’re persecuted for your gifts. This is what happened to me.
My work had read and destroyed. Demonized for my sexual thoughts (and I wasn’t even having sex), my literary genius and being ahead of my time. Told, “if you want to write that stuff you better write it and then swallow it because if I find it again it won’t be pretty.” It was way harsher than that but you get my drift. In 2004, 16 years old, self-doubt had set in because the person that raised me had forbidden me to do something I loved. The only person’s opinion that ever mattered to me shamed me right out of my talent. It cut right through my heart.
I could no longer be the next Zane.
I could no longer be the next Toni Morrison or Sister Souljah.
Defeated and that hurt would never be erased.
and dammit my soul was on fire.
Over the past 14 years, I’ve been trying to re-ignite the flames my thoughts provoked. Every so often my doubt would prevail and I’d feel lost again. My fear would overcome me and my failure became scarier than my success.
As of 2019 failure is not an option and fear has no permission to run my life. Doubt may come, but it is not welcome to spend the night. My creativity is mine and I will cast it as I see fit. Being full of stories for 14 almost 15 years it was time to open the floodgates.
I can’t wait to be a published author.
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