Art By @Reeseroyce215

I laid there looking at the ceiling trying to figure out my next move. I didn’t want to leave, but I had a whole ‘nother life on the other side of town. Rolling onto my side I stared at him while he slept. God and the devil double-teamed me this time. Gave me my heart’s desire at what cost. This love was the purest of them all. Being built on nothing but compassion, our soul intertwined and our minds unraveled each other. This was the deepest soul tie I’ve ever had.

He could look at me and tell I hadn’t been loved right since he had been gone. I could see his eyes reading me my rights last night. I could hear his tone demanding me to stay but telling me it was up to me. I felt a complete mess, I should have fucked him last night then I would have a reason to be so crazy in the fucking head. This was a man who loved me through all my life’s ups and downs lying right next to me. He wanted to hold me, love me and make me his. 

And my dumb ass was being so difficult. Choosing to stay with a man that didn’t match my aura or my stride, was killing my spirit. I haven’t been me for a long time and I’m pulling her back up off the ground. I gotta find my self-worth again because I’m dying on the inside.

Pulling myself from that bed was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Pulling my hair back into a sleek ponytail, I gazed into the mirror. Prayed the passion marks stayed hidden. Praying that I could be strong and walk out without tears forming. But that prayer went unanswered because I could feel them sliding down my cheek.

When I walked out of the bathroom, there he was sitting straight up on the bed, head in palms. I could imagine what he was thinking as I tried to wipe my tears before he looked up. Too late. He caught me. Standing to his feet he embraced me wholeheartedly. I felt my body go limp. There was nothing I could do to prevent this feeling anymore, especially with him holding me like this. Torn to pieces that I had to leave this man in this hotel room like this. I was also mad that as a woman scorned, I could not give my body to the man I loved. I swear on everything I love if it wouldn’t have made me feel like I was playing the man I loved I would have screwed his lights out and made a movie to taunt to ungrateful s.o.b I was going home to.

“Nobody knows how hard it is to let you go and not let you go, bae. This time I don’t want you to even think about walking out that door unless it’s with me to the airport. We can get the ticket at the airport and go about our business.”

“As much as I want to my love. This ring permits none of that. That vow I made takes precedence over my heart, my mind, and my body. If I didn’t have those standards about myself what type of woman would I be? If this,” I pointed to him and then back at myself. “what we have is pure and untamed then it will be written and there’s nothing no one can do about it, I swear. You’re the only one I’ve ever envisioned growing old with sir. They didn’t go away because you weren’t there, they were on pause.” I said as I brushed passed him.

Grabbing my hand before I made it to the door. He kissed my lips so passionately my world exploded. If I didn’t stop him now, I would definitely be fucking him today. I pulled away, tears in my eyes yet again as I wiped traces of my lipstick from his lips. I turned the knob of the hotel suite and beelined for the elevator. 

Knowing he wouldn’t chase me because he wouldn’t go against my wishes gave me some sort of relief as I made it to the car.

My mind raced the whole drive home. “Why me,” I thought. Why am I always on the wrong side of love with timing? Parking in the driveway behind Dorien’s Ford Escape I sat there contemplating life. I drug my feet as I made it up the walkway. My keys turned the lock to an unhappy home. I entered the foyer removing my shoes when I heard sudden movement in the living room. I tossed my keys down and headed towards the stair. I knew it was him. Since I didn’t come home last night or answer his one hundred million calls and text he was bound to be here.

“Did you fuck him?” He questioned with a deep baritone.

“Yes.” I averted my gaze as the lie slid off my lips like butter. I should’ve fucked him twelve ways to Sunday, but I didn’t.

“Bitch, don’t lie to me you was gone all night and ain’t answer my phone calls and shit.” He didn’t hear me say yes because he had already determined I was going to deny his accusations. “Wait, what the fuck did you say, Julisa?”

He got in my face as I formed the word Yes on my lips he wrapped his hands around my throat and lifted me, what felt like three feet off the ground. Gasping for air and clawing his hands made him give no lead way as tears leaked from my bulging eye sockets.

“Bitch I loved you. Why would you think you could come in here and say some shit like that? I know I haven’t been the best man but that don’t give you the right to be a hoe and give away what’s mine. Bitch that wedding ring gives me governance over what’s between your legs.” Slowly everything faded to black. I wanted to spit in his face but as I saw my life flash before my eyes. I regretted saying yes at that moment.

To Be Continued…

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